From: Zloduska (kjseelna@students.wisc.edu)
Date: Tue Jan 22 2002 - 01:48:00 MST
... which is an apt description of the ongoing verbose nonsense that the
list has been deluged with over the past couple weeks.
I know my reply is belated, but I've only begun to wade though the swamp of
recent posts stemming from the same several authors. Forget trying to
penetrate this miasma and parse something of value in the resulting
mud-slinging match: would a fisherman strain polluted seawater through his
teeth for minnows? I just managed to catch up with deleting the avalanche
in my Inbox.
Anyway, so as not to exacerbate the situation, I'll reply publicly to each
person with my frank (always quite frank) opinion and consolidate it into
one monster post instead of a dozen evil minions. Sorry for replying from
the present backwards, but I wasn't able to deal with messages as they
appeared. Sometimes it's better to be selective about your meal and digest
it fully all at once, rather than gorging yourself on whatever food is put
in front of you. That said...
YASH:
Humor me for a moment, and engage in an exercise of the imagination.
Visualize this- let's pretend that the Church of Virus is like one great
big dinner party in a huge mansion. All the list members are the
party-goers, and David M. is the host. Some of the people know the host
personally and were specifically invited, but most of them just wandered in
the door somehow by chance. Some are avid conversationalists and steal
most of the spotlight and crave attention, but most are silent wall-flowers
that merely observe the more boisterous types. Allow me to illuminate two
types of characters that attend the party.
The first is a friendly young woman that has many old friends and
acquaintances at the event, but there are still many unfamiliar faces, so
she is somewhat careful about her speech. She brings a bottle of red wine
with her every time, smiles a lot, tries to make people comfortable, tells
jokes, introduces herself to strangers, compliments the hosts on their
delicious food and on their home, fills glasses, makes friends, is wickedly
charming, flirts constantly, and hopefully gets lucky and ends up partaking
of a midnight rendezvous in a coat closet with a couple of nubile foreign
stewardesses.
This is how I usually behave when I attend a social function, whether at a
strange place or the residence of a good friend. I am always invited back,
and like to think that people enjoy my company.
The second character is an antisocial young man. He barges into the party
uninvited, and instead of taking a seat and respectfully observing his
surroundings, he immediately starts consuming mass quantities of liquor,
insulting the best friends of the host, picking fights with strangers,
smashing glass goblets on the floor, terrorizing the house pets, pissing in
the house plants, and creating general havoc. After he knocks over an oil
lamp and nearly sets the curtains on fire, he is roundly boxed about the
ears and ejected out onto the streets, his tennis shoes smacking him in the
forehead, to the great applause of the those in attendance.
Can you see how your recent behavior on the list compares to the person I
describe in the second scenario? I liken you to the shy and quiet,
incurably virgin high-school science geek, who is normally reserved and
easily intimidated, but in his quest to be cool and for a piece of ass,
guzzles a twelve-pack of domestic beer and goes totally ape-shit in public.
Anyhow, to reply to a direct question, you wrote:
>In addition, Kirk A. Steele has recently started a slew of posts of a very
>personal nature with my name, phone number extracts, apparently finding
>great delight in the upcoming cyclone which will hit the island, also
>speaking in the same stride of my family and potential problems happening to
>them during the cyclone.
>
>I haven't seen anybody condemn this action. This could mean that either
>listers don't care or agree or maybe they do not condemn it but very
>silently indeed.
I'll tell you what the silent majority has been doing-- gnashing their
teeth in agitation and trying not to add fuel to the flame-fest. Those
folks who have been subscribed to the list for any length of time and read
a good deal of Hermit's post are no doubt rolling their eyes in disdain
when they read your lame put-downs of him. Those of us who actually know
Hermit, and have had the pleasure of conversing with him off-list, talking
on the phone, or spending time with him in person, are letting out an
audible scoff and slapping our knees when you repeatedly call him a
"dimwit" and a "moron". Hopefully the majority of list-members not
directly involved are making ample use of the delete key. Even then, it's
hard to ignore an onslaught of verbal crap that gets stale and rank before
it's ever even fresh, especially since it's so obviously untrue. And you
simply won't let up.
Excuse me, who sent over two dozen messages (mostly flameage and futile
debate) to the list in a row, and continues to do so? And now you are
complaining that no on is listening, no one is on your side. Here is a
simple response: SHUT UP. Are you still feeling picked on? Easy, just
SHUT THE HELL UP. If you did not act as a major instigator, these
pseudo-intellectual battles would not take place. Fortunately in this case
you can self-medicate. It's a large pill called "Pride"; I suggest you
take a deep breath and swallow it. Oh, then do me a gracious favor and
Shut Up.
Moving on to the other side of the light-weight ring...
KIRK:
If anyone deserves a merciless caning, it's you. Let's set aside your
sexist attitude a moment (for I certainly will address that) and focus on
one point in particular.
You would be in my killfile already if I had TIME to put you there, but
since you constantly spam the list, only half the time (if that) making any
sense, the rest being frivolous or induced by some kind of glue-huffing
overdose, I'm trying to hold the fort on my own side. For a shining
example of what I'm talking about, let's discuss an eloquent missive you
sent to the list this very day. The subject was entitled "Ping", and the
content-- a sparse and sublime -- "Ping."
Do you know what my brain automatically says to me when I read something
like that, which is such a vapid waste of my time and bandwidth?
It says, "I hate you, Kirk. I hate you. DIE DIE DIE!"
Of course this is only the icing on the rancid cupcake of your misogyny.
On 01/07/02, you wrote:
>Let's not forget that study after study shows a biosocial bias
>against females performing math and science.
This was your response to Mermaid for a supposed mistake on her part
concerning The Math Which Shall Not Be Named. Instead of pointing out
exactly why you thought she was in error, you essentially said, simply put,
"You are wrong, because of your gender." If I replied, "You are a
feeble-minded, testosterone-poisoned supercilious dildo capable of speech
but not thought, because you are the proud owner of a pair of testicles you
are not worthy of...." how would that make you feel? I was surprised no
one else pounced on your remark, but at least Hermit pointed out that his
sister has superior mathematical ability even to him. Then again I'm not
surprised, because that kind of idiotic bullshit in a 'rational forum' is
beyond reproach. The only real reason why any woman, and myself in
particular may not be talented at math is not a matter of capability, but
interest. I'm not gifted at Mathematics because I don't fucking CARE for
it, and I especially don't care for your sexist wankery and theories, so
unless you rescind these kind of brainless assertions, I shall give you no
more regard then a flea shuffling in the dust at my feet. To be sure, if I
were alone in a dark room with the Male Ego for even five minutes, there
would be some serious hell to pay, the walls would be painted in fresh
blood, and my Femininity would emerge the victor. In sum, kiss my entirely
female, non-scientific and pale white arse. At every opportunity to make
yourself look good at someone else's expense by insulting them, especially
when siding with another (such as our Hermit), you only succeed at
appearing to be a sycophant. You are a pathetic worm that won't go away.
Alles klar?
You can contest this and I could prove myself right, but (unfortunately?) I
lack any spare time, because I have a life, a very splendid and eventful
one. If I were to take you to a civil court and sue you for the time I
have lost with nothingness you spam this list with, were I able to reclaim
those lost minutes and hours, I would be able to become pregnant and bear
quintuplets. Fortunately, when my brain belches out such invectives at
you, it also sends a message to my mouth to bite down on my slithering
viper tongue and quells my clawed fingers which are just ITCHING to spew
out a statement showing exactly what an incredible, annoying ass I think
you are. But I don't do that. Instead, I suggest that YOU utilize the
same strategy, and whenever you get that not-so-fresh feeling of being
bored, listless and you feel like trolling a large group of strangers and
carrying on about nothing or writing emails that say nothing, bite down on
your tongue, swallow those thoughts, and restrain yourself. Or stick your
head in an oven. Whichever.
So. A solution.
Apparently, you have waaaaaay too much time on your hands, and many of us
have far too little. I think Yash and company have the same problem. This
appears to be the crux of the matter. I offer two short-term proposals:
One- you invest some energy in finding numerous other groups out in
cyberspace that interest you, and then spread your time out evenly amongst
them being an ardent pest, insulting others, and ejaculating emails like an
elephant on speed. By greatly dividing your efforts, it will minimize the
impact on us stable and sane folk with busy lives. Who knows, maybe your
returns will multiply, and you'll actually have no leisure time! Secondly,
have you ever tried getting in touch with your feminine side? From what I
know, correct me if I'm wrong, you're stationed somewhere (Japan?) near a
military base. Have you tried expressing your inner femme with a fellow
bunkmate? As an afterthought, tell me when your birthday is, and I will
gladly bestow a pair a brand new pair of double-locking thumb cuffs upon
you. This could also provide the recreation you are dying for, with the
help of a sweet young comrade, not to mention to it would spare us your
tirades.
Another thought in the back of my mind bubbles to the surface, but alas,
this would be my fantasy solution for a perfect world. That would be
corporal punishment, for when 'contributors' here get out of line. Awhile
back Michele (Or was it Michelle? Sorry.) mentioned that what the CoV
really needs is a dominatrix. Hallelujah. I can think of nothing more
appropriate in this case than a patented Purple Beaded Squid Whip (oh yes,
they do exist- http://www.stockroom.com/a057plus.htm ) to get the job done.
For the mathematically inclined, a stubborn arrogant soul bent on
sustaining a flame-war could be forced to count each stroke, and this baby
is guaranteed to coax them into silence until they are a quivering pile of
bruised and bloodied flesh. Ah, if only I had the power to strip someone,
hog-tie them with the aid of stainless steel restraints, and lay into them
with a braided bull-hide flogger every time they uttered the words "Vedic
Maths" or "Pi"-- the world would be such a better place!
Sorry, sometimes I get so caught up in meta-mathematical sadomasochistic
daydreams, that I just lose myself. I have to stop that.
Seriously though... In general women respond well to emotional pleas, but
most men are less easy to subjugate. When a genuine appeal to intellect
fails, two things alone can overcome the male ego: sex, and the burning
white light of pain. If seduction doesn't work, then hurting them
certainly will! A friend of mine who is a professional body piercer
recently told me that in his experience women handle pain much better,
their bodies being equipped to endure childbirth, but men are "wimps" in
comparison. It follows that males are much easier to 'persuade' when a
person uses one (or both) of the two aforementioned methods, which men have
no control over. Am I not correct?
MERMAID:
Personally, I happen to LIKE her. I wonder how it is that she has verbally
sparred and spatted with nearly every person on the list I consider a
friend. With some it has been resolved in the past (like Sebby for
instance, someone I also had a flamefest with of gargantuan proportions in
the past, as old-timers here can attest), but still there are those I
respect that hold her in such low esteem. What is it about her that seems
to pique everyone? It's puzzling, as I've never shared a single harsh word
with her. I enjoy many of her posts. I believe the reason is that even
though she can be a self-professed bitch at times, she still manages to be
entertaining to me. Herr Hermit, do you recall telling me at one point
during that New Year's Party (I was probably in a wine-soaked stupor, but
still functional) that the reason you found me interesting is because, in
your words, I am "not so nice". I certainly took it as the compliment it
was intended to be, but you were also implying that certain other people,
although they may be perfectly nice and intelligent, bored you to tears. I
feel the same way; I'd rather chat with someone totally deranged and crude,
yet witty and fascinating, than a pleasant person full of encyclopedic
knowledge with the personality of split-pea soup. Don't you agree? On
that note, I can't imagine a Mermaid that acts like a Martha Stewart, nor
would I want to. So, specifically to Mermaid: Kudos, rock on, and don't
compromise yourself, even if it means being wrong sometimes.
Dr. SEBBY:
Coincidentally, a day before your return I was sitting in the self-same
spot thinking, "Hmm, I wonder where Sebastian is, and what he would say
about all this?" I'm glad someone else is here who can at least flame in
an entertaining fashion.
HERMIT:
A few things for you... I apologize for taking so long to share the
pictures I promised to send, but with all *this*, can you really blame me
for being behind?
[ For those of you in the audience, I had the spontaneous last-minute
fortune of spending New Year's Eve in Chicago with Das Hermit and his saucy
Frau, Tina. It was a blast. As it turned out, due to communication
problems and a fender-bender with a Hispanic man once I drove in from
Madison, Wisconsin, and Hermit and his gang of Slavs arrived from
squid-forsaken Iowa, he had to personally hunt me down in the seedy
underworld of Chi-town, at a club called The Leather Rose. I already had
plans to meet with a friend from St. Louis for the evening, so my night was
divided among two separate parties. But I had no idea that Hermit was
searching for me, and despite his typical brilliant academic abilities, I
was amused that he couldn't identify me, even though I have long electric
blue hair and was one of the only people under the age of 40 there, let
alone one of the few females of the gathering. Which is why I didn't take
special notice despite the sneaking suspicion that some older gentlemen was
staring directly at me, due to the fact that there was a small congregation
of creepy old men hanging around the place gawking at people to begin with,
so I tried to mentally block them out. Now, Hermit admits to being a Dirty
Old Man, and he is, but he certainly isn't creepy. So I was standing in
this festive-looking dungeon helping myself to some punch and vegetarian
pasta when I heard him trying to call me on my defunct cell phone, and
realized he was standing right in front of me with my name displayed on a
clipboard. After some delay he managed to whisk me away out of that urban
den of iniquity and took us (me and my former roommate Mike who will
probably join this list when he has stable internet access) to a party
hosted by some Russians, all terribly charming and nice people, who showed
me their handcuffs and ripped my sweater off when I arrived, then stuffed
me with tasty treats, wine, and champagne to my heart's content. I can't
wait to visit Fairfield! Talking to Hermit and Tina, there was never a
dull moment, and they are a genuinely kind couple, not to mention that my
friend Mike was very captivated by the former, who he had never heard of
previously. It just goes to show how ridiculous (Are you listening Yash?)
any assaults on his character are. ]
So anyhow, here's a few pictures from the party taken with my cheapo
digital camera:
http://members.cvol.net/zloduska/images/NY_Hermit&Tina.jpg
http://members.cvol.net/zloduska/images/NY_Hermit&Kristy.jpg
http://members.cvol.net/zloduska/images/NY_Mike&Kristy.jpg
PS to Hermit: In case you're wondering what transpired after you dropped
us off back at The Leather Rose that evening (or morning rather), I have a
couple of photographic highlights. Although we intended to leave by 3am,
we stayed until well after 4:30 and didn't return to Madison until around
seven in the morning. But no worries, because there is nothing like a good
spanking or flogging to beat the sobriety right outta ya! I was
sufficiently awake after bidding Olga adieu. (Gotta love the decorative
balloons and streamers hanging from the various bondage furniture in the
photos. As if to say, "Happy New Years, you damn perverts!")
http://members.cvol.net/zloduska/images/LR2.jpg
http://members.cvol.net/zloduska/images/LR1.jpg
PPS to Herm: Oh, and regarding the quibble about "squid" with Casey. Who
cares?! To hell with useless ostentation of military terms! The military
sucks! In my not so humble opinion, only a few people actually care about
whatever pet names Marines and saliors have for each other, and I don't, so
it's not worth an argument. Remember, just because I bitch-slap you for
some reason, it doesn't mean I don't love you. Speaking of which:
PPS: And I finally saw American Pie. Hmm, blah. Overrated. It was funny
at times, but not adolescent humor at its best. Yes, I enjoyed the "Say my
name, bitch!" episode.
And on that note everyone, good night, sweet dreams, and shut up.
;-) <-- Bitch-Smiley(tm)
-Kristy
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.1.5 : Wed Sep 25 2002 - 13:28:41 MDT
