From: Hermit (hidden@lucifer.com)
Date: Thu May 09 2002 - 02:14:29 MDT
Given the fact that there have been no new dead Beatles for a while, and that all the carefully prepared funeral orations are simply gathering dust, while the other great fake saints of the last century are in too advanced a stage of decomposition even for CNN's Larry King Live (e.g. The Sainted MT, Queen Mum and Dali's Llama), they apparently plan to interview Maharishi Mahesh Yogi (supposedly reincarnated since forever, most recently, as a cockroach in human form) on Sunday May 12th, 2002 at 9 p.m. EST unless either Larry King or the Wannabe Swami dies first, in which case CNN has a standby animatronics dummy which can run either a Larry Spin or Giggling Guru emulation script. Interestingly, those involved in testing the dummy report that it seems to be more sensible than either or both of King and Yogi (not that that really posed much of a programming challenge.) For updates visit www.cnn.com/larryking closer to the time.
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi is 4286 years old and will be teaching Larry King how to lift his bellybutton away from his naval, how to delude himself into believing he can fly and how, if he gives all his money to Maharishi he too can enter Utopia (which is genuinely a trailer park in Fairfield Iowa).
If anyone asks him some real questions, e.g. why his movement needs to use extortion and threats against people that it perceives as having the potential to harm it - it could become quite interesting.
The Giggling Guru wanted to be a revered yogi, and so chose to live a rugged (frequent sexual exhaustion) and ascetic lifestyle (why he has $7'000 worth of roses delivered to his wooden palace every day). Many centuries ago (?), he often went barefoot, and not having been given magnificent carpets then, developed calloused feet. He also attempted to live on a strictly vegetarian diet (mainly rice and beans) which has caused him to develop bad breath. The food he eats being so lacking in nutriments, and his age so advanced, that he is somewhat weak of body (though less weak of head than his generous supporters). What these supporters have perhaps not yet realized, is that the best description for their guru is "Super-calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis."
---- This message was posted by Hermit to the Virus 2002 board on Church of Virus BBS. <http://virus.lucifer.com/bbs/index.php?board=51;action=display;threadid=25472>
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