From: joedees@bellsouth.net
Date: Mon Sep 23 2002 - 23:46:18 MDT
On 24 Sep 2002 at 0:46, Jkr438@aol.com wrote:
>
> In a message dated 9/23/2002 10:57:38 PM Central Daylight Time,
> joedees@bellsouth.net writes:
>
>
> I freely admitted onlist that my mother suffers from late-stage
> Alzheimer's disease, and that required me to be home caring for her
> 24/7. What you don't know is what kind of care is required; so I'll
> tell you. My 83-year-old mother also suffers from diabetes, arthritis,
> high blood pressure, heart and circulation problems (she had a heart
> attack and a stent installed 18 months ago), and kidney dysfunction
> (she has 24% kidney function). I have to give her more that twenty
> different medicines daily. She is incontinent, cannot walk or feed
> herself, and, since her teeth are gone and she cannot chew with
> dentures any more, can only eat soft foods. The diabetes and
> Alzheimer's conspire to kill her appetite; thus she can only be fed
> twice a day, 12 hours apart, but due to the kidney problems, she must
> drink juices constantly to keep toxins flushed out, She caanot consume
> sugar (due to her diabetes), salt (due to her high blood presure) or
> animal products (since her kidnys do not handle complex proteins
> well). My twice-daily routine with her is (roughly) as follows: I grab
> a Glucerna (a vitamin-rich diabetes drink) from the fridge, a banana,
> a napkin and a straw; then I prepare her main course (rice grits in
> the morning, and alternating between beans and sweet potatoes (both of
> which I must mash) in the evening). It is very important that she
> consume both rice and beans, as that way she obtains all her essential
> amino acids without eating meat products. After microwaving and
> otherwise preparing her main course, I place these items on a table in
> her bedroom. I roll her wheelchair into the bedroom, covering the
> footpedals with towels so they do not damage her legs. I then roll her
> feet over the side of the bed, have her grab me around the neck with
> her arms, lift her up, and guide her into the wheelchair (into which I
> have placed a towel, sincde her clothes are wet), so she can eat
> vertically, and not choke or make a mess. I then feed her first her
> main course, then her banana for dessert (for the postassium), giving
> her periodic sips of the Glucerna (and, if she finishes it early,
> orange, white grape, or cranberry juice) so she can wash her food
> down. Once her meal is concluded, I bring her her medicine and her
> buttermilk with which to wash it down (because buttermilk is viscous,
> and clings to the tablets and capsules). Then I change her bed, and
> roll her to the bathroom. I then have her grab me about the neck once
> again, and walk her backwards into the bathroom, having her grab the
> sink (into which I've placed a pillow so she won't fall over and bump
> her head against the faucet) with one hand and the towel rack with the
> other to steady herself while I drop her sweatpants and pad. I then
> remove her sweatshirt, guide her onto the toilet, and place her shirt,
> pants, bedclothes and wheelchair towel into the washing machine. After
> bathing her off and placing a clean shirt on her, I give her some
> privacy for about ten minutes. when I return, I first wipe her ass and
> flush the commode, then pull her fresh pad and pants on (backwards, so
> when I tie them she cannot figure our how to untie them). Next I give
> her two squirts of her 'wheezy medicine' (an aerosol breather) and a
> dose of Milk of Magnesia, so her digestive tract will not lock up.
> Then I swivel her towards the sink, and pick her up, instructing her
> ot once again grab the sink and towel rack. I then pull up first her
> pad, then her pants, and tie them, after which I have her garb me
> around the neck with both arms once again, and guide her backwards
> into her wheelchair. I then ask her if she wants to watch TV or go
> back to bed. I will spare you the deatails of what I have to do
> whichever she chooses. Alzheimer's disease is characterized by massive
> memory loss. She sometimes calls me by my father's name, and sometimes
> by her father's name, but she recognizes me as her caretaker. She
> forgets that she is in her own home (even though she has lived there
> for more than 33 years), and she currently has a cast on one leg,
> because she forgot that she couldn't walk, tried to, rolled her ankle,
> and broke it in two places. Nevertheless, she is not crazy. She
> answers questions and obeys instructions reasonably, and when I told
> her that perhaps I was saxcrificing my life to her care because i
> loved her too much, she answered that one can never love too much.
> Amazingly, i read later (I forget where) that another Alzheimer's
> patient made a similar comment to her caretaker. Should I put her in a
> rest home? Mu mother's older sister (by less than two years), who was
> put in a rest home, died a few months ago; my uncle, upon visiting
> her, found her dehydeated and in a coma, with food lodged in her
> throat. She never recovered; i was a pallbearer at her funeral. Less
> than 100 miles north of here, a rest home had installed a feeding tube
> in a geriatric patient so that they would not have to go to the
> trouble of feeding him; it was discovered that he had a maggot
> infestation at the tube entry site, and that they had made their way
> into his entrails. I promised my father on his deathbed (I took care
> of him for years, and he died Sept. 6th, 1999) that I would alllow my
> mother to spend her remaiming time at home, as he had. You cannot take
> a promise back from a dead man, and I intend to keep it.
>
> [Jake] I appreciate how much you are going through. I personally did
> some similar things for both of my parents-in-law. On some level my
> wife-of-the-time was simply incapable at times to do the same herself.
> I guess in a way it worked out well since I seemed to have more
> empathy for her parents than she herself was capable at the time, and
> so whenever the things simply got to much for her to bear, there I was
> in all my empathic capacity to pick up the loose ends and carry on for
> whatever the human race, my marriage, and the people I loved at the
> time needed of me. I really feel for you, Joe, because you will simply
> never get the thanks you probably really deserve for your efforts. I
> know this, because once they were gone, I was rewarded with an
> extremely unfair divorce settlement from my wife in the end, and very
> little understanding from my own family as to why I had put so much of
> myself into this obviously doomed drama. But th! en, I guess I didn't
> do these things for recognition, but for what this two individuals had
> meant for me directly. And for that I offer no apology to family,
> ex-spouse, or anyone else. I know full well what I gained, and what
> everyone else lost in the process. If they only knew perhaps the rest
> of the story would be different, but since they don't the rest of the
> story, except for my part, has little interest to me.
>
> [Joe] When Hermit characterized my mother as a "drooling"
> "maternal nutcase", he was partially ignorant of the volatility of the
> buttons he was pushing out of malignant spite.
>
> [Jake] Partially? Probably closer to wholly. But regardless, there is
> no point in trying to make him understand. Let it pass and take what
> you can out of your own experiences.
>
> [Joe] Nevertheless, his remarks were vile, vicious, callous, cruel and
> unfeeling, and should not have been uttered by any human being with a
> modicum of respect for themselves or others.
>
> [Jake] respect requires understanding, and for those that do not
> understand there is nothing you can offer. Cruelty requires far more
> understanding of the situation. And regardless whatever petty
> responses Hermit could offer, it has or should have no bearing on what
> you take away from the people and the situation at hand. Hermit, and
> indeed I myself, are effectively nothing but a few voices in the
> lonely terrain of cyberspace who know little or nothing of you and
> your loves.
>
> For the sake of those who have meant far more to you, please don't
> make us into anything greater than we are.
>
Then prove your point; forward this explanation to him, and let us both
see if, in the light of knowledge, any mea culpas areforthcoming. We'll
both give him a chance to reattain a modicum of decency, and both be
witnesses should he decide to either embeace or spurn such a chance.
>
> Love,
>
> -Jake
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