From: Hermit (virus@hermit.net)
Date: Sat Oct 04 2003 - 14:37:14 MDT
I replied at length, and stupidly lost it. Given the style shown in some of the replies I've had to date, I guess I have to simplify things in an appropriate scriptural fashion.
The Evolutionary Law of Socialising and Communities Explained
The Parable of the Colostomy Bag Part I
Many people are at computers in a library. In comes an old Lady with a leaky colostomy bag. She sits at a computer and the fetid contents slowly dribble out. Everyone is forced away from the computers by the stench.
Eventually the entire building is condemned and pulled down.
The residents complain that nobody did anything effective to stop it and their library is in ruins. One female with a strident voice says it is all the Hermit's fault, although some fingers are pointed at a glowing entity shaking his head as he watches from a nearby street corner for not having reacted.
And the community has no library.
The Parable of the Colostomy Bag Part II
Many people are at computers in a library. In comes an old Lady with a leaky colostomy bag. She sits at a computer and the fetid contents slowly dribble out. Everyone is forced away from the computers by the stench. The other visitors take turns beating her up with their fists. She replies by climbing into them with her handbag. Somebody grabs a kids baseball bat and people take turns smashing her kneecaps with it. The little old lady pulls out a 387 magnum and starts blowing people away. The sheriff arrives with a bazzooka and levels the building.
The residents complain that the process was too brutal, the old lady should have been helped to adjust, and the slightly glowing sheriff was far too indiscriminate.
And the community has no library.
The Parable of the Colostomy Bag Part IIIa
Many people are at computers in a library. In comes an old Lady with a leaky colostomy bag. She sits at a computer and the fetid contents slowly dribble out. Everyone is forced away from the computers by the stench, except for one old fart who can't smell a thing as he has a vile pipe clenched between his teeth.
The visitors head to the town hall to take register a petition to ban colostomy bags. The petition is handed out and over the next two weeks, votes are collected banning colostemy bags in the library. Eventually a law is passed, and the residents return to the library to discover that when the liquor from the leaky colostomy bag had soaked the old fart's briefcase, destroying several years of work, he and the old lady had set to at each other and eventually killed one another. The corpses had putrified and eventually burst, coating the entire building with such a vile smell that it was eventually condemned by the health department and pulled down.
The residents complain that nobody did anything fast enough, that there should have been a law against it in the first place, and that their library is in ruins. One female with a strident voice says it is all the Hermit's fault (although the Hermit is unaccountably missing). Some fingers are pointed at a glowing entity shaking his head as he watches from a nearby street corner for not having reacted.
And the community has no library.
The Parable of the Colostomy Bag Part IIIb
As above.
A new library is erected, protected from leaky colostomy bags by a shiny new regulation.
Many people are at computers in the new library. In comes an old man carrying something in a brown paper bag. Everyone imagines he is a wino, as he keeps placing the bag between his legs as he seems to think about whether to have a sip - and then replaces it on the table under the gaze of many curious eyes. They realize how wrong they were, when he accidently knocks the bag over as he replaces it on the table, releasing a spray of urine over the entire area from his portable urinal. Everyone is forced away from the computers by the stench, except for one ancient 600lb female who can't tell the difference between her perspiration and the old man's urine.
The visitors head to the town hall to take register a petition to ban portable urinals.
Yes, you can figure out how this ends. Eventually the difference between sweat and urine must soaked through to the old woman m and the two ancients killed one another in the ensuing fracas. The corpses putrified and eventually burst, coating the entire building with such a vile smell that it was eventually condemned by the health department and pulled down.
The residents complain that nobody did anything fast enough, that there should have been a law against it in the first place, and that their library is in ruins. One female with a strident voice says it is all the Hermit's fault, although some fingers are pointed at a glowing entity shaking his head as he watches from a nearby street corner for not having reacted.
And the community has no library.
The Parable of the Colostomy Bag Part IIIc
As above.
A new library is erected, protected from leaky colostomy bags and portable urinals by a shiny new regulation.
Many people are at computers in the new library. In comes a philosopher suffering from acute diarrhoea... yes, you know how it goes by now. Eventually condemned by the health department and pulled down.
The residents complain that nobody did anything fast enough, that there should have been a law against it in the first place, and that their library is in ruins. One female with a strident voice says it is all the Hermit, who is unaccountably missing's fault, although some fingers are pointed at a glowing entity shaking his head as he watches from a nearby street corner for not having reacted.
And the community has no library.
The Parable of the Colostomy Bag Part IV
The community has gone through many iterations. They decide to try another. They institute a rule that nobody may make the library unusable for others - and that the librarians should decide on the level of intrusion permissable. Some residents vote for this idea, and the idea is passed. Most of the residents don't even realise the rules are there. Life goes on.
Many people are at computers in the new library. In comes an old Lady with a leaky colostomy bag. She sits at a computer and the fetid contents slowly dribble out. Everyone is forced away from the computers by the stench. A librarian comes over and asks the old lady to leave until she has cleaned up. Eventually, everyone else returns. Later the old lady returns.
[Hermit 8] Was the old lady punished?
[Hermit 8] No. She breached the social conventions.
[Hermit 8] Did the old lady break a rule?
[Hermit 8] I looked at our library's rules. They say nothing about leaky colostomy bags (or portable urinals). I bet your library regulations don't mention them either.
[Hermit 8] Was this unfair?
[Hermit 8] Of course not. Her presence penalized the community which asked her to go away until she had changed bags, had a shower and put on clean clothes.
And this community still has a library.
Some of those who voted for the rules appear to decide that possibly they are too draconian. Others who didn't vote say things which prove that they don't understand the rules. A meeting is called for by one of the librarians to explain the rules to them. A female, with a strident voice, who didn't vote, says it is is a dastardly conspiracy by the Hermit (who may have been seen lurking in quiet places talking to a slightly glowing character) to harm her and that we should not discuss the rules, but rather the reasons why people go to libraries instead.
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